but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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