Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
