I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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