You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
