Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
