Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
