Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
