Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Michael Bay diarrhea
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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