I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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