took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
COCAINE IS GR8
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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