I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
