Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
