I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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