I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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