I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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