How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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