If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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