Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
