i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
