Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
