Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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