sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
