I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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