Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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