The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
