Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
