Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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