Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize