Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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