ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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