Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
