oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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