Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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