wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
