I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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