I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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