I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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