I just threw up on my dentist
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
