Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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