Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
