This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
