How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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