The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
