I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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