I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.