The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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