Soap is not a condiment
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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