dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
