just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
