yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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