found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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