also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
