so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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