Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize