How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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