I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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