I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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