Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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