I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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