9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
