so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
