Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
