This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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