he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
