Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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