I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
