I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
