Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Randomize
