shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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