shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
