Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
