She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
