he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
