Apparently you make a good broom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
