I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
