ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
