glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
