**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
