I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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