I am in a vortex of obligation.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
