I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
