We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
